MY THREE WORDS……
People ask me a lot, what’s it like living with Mental illness? I can only tell you what it’s like for me as a Writer, Author and Blogger living with Mental illness. As those who do suffer mental & emotional disorders, we all come from many different types, levels, & paths of this illness. For some, it can be a disease that’s passed down from one genetic family generation to the next. Mental illness can come from brain conditions or injury’s from a traumatic experience like mine, or brain injury like how many of our Armed Forces came home with. Some are from sports head injury’s that we read about of sports stars today. Some can be disorders like PTSD, OCD, or ADD, or some are born with mental disabilities, maybe missing brain or body chemicals. Like I said, we all come from many circumstances.
Mental and emotional illness & disorders can touch anyone. Just like me. I spent the first 40 years of my life I thought, as a normal woman. Living and working each day like everyone else. But I always had these feelings in the back of my mind, at times I didn’t “FEEL” like myself. I’d get depressed and hide in my room as a teenager. Like I didn’t belong or fit in anywhere. Then, these high feelings of endless energy, not much sleep, and I was always THE fun, vivacious, out going person as an adult. But, at 40 my life changed. It was in that year I also became addicted to gambling. Video poker/Slot machines became my best friend.
At this time, all my feelings the trauma and what happened to me as a little girl started to resurface, as I stuffed them SO DEEP inside me that I hadn’t felt them for years. That all changed when my brother-in-law died in 1992 of cancer. You see, he was the only one I told about what happened to me as a little girl. When my brother-in-law passed, all those ugly feelings came back, and I started using gambling to hide from all those old wounds & pain to the point I became addicted to gambling.
My moods became like “Dr. Jekyll & MR. Hyde.” Then, my mind went BLACK! Like it went void. I don’t remember driving myself home from a Casino, or remember calling my councilor who was helping me with the grief of my brother-in-law, and my addiction. All I know is what I was told by the policeman who was standing by my hospital bed when I woke up, that I had tried to cut my wrists, as they were bandaged and small cuts everywhere.
I tried to take my OWN LIFE! Needless to say, my Doctors and Mental clinical staff found I was suffering from “Bipolar 2 with manic depression, Panic with Agoraphobia, OCD, and Anxiety, and started on Meds. I believe, GOD was with me that day. I wouldn’t be writing my experience with you today if he wasn’t. What’s it like?
“It’s like watching life outside my window happen without ME in it.”
MY 3 Words?…FIGHT ~ STIGMA ~NOW!
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